The Amazing Adventures of Turdface and Fluffy Cat: The Toilet Incident

One morning I’m getting up, and like most people the first place after waking up is to head to the bathroom. I’m just about to sit on the toilet when I notice a gigantic puddle of pee all over the toilet. 

Imagine a person staring down at a toilet with their arms slightly raised with a look on their face that says “WTF!” 

That was me. 

“Oh, hells no, I am not cleaning up someone else’s pee. I clean enough of that up with two children.” I think to myself. 

I then sit down to do what I went in the bathroom in the first place, and since I had my cell phone I promptly sent off this text: 

“Unless the cat has taken to trying to pee in the toilet, you missed and pee’d all over the back of the seat.” 

I get back “Um Sorry” 

And responded with “I seriously do not know how you can miss a puddle of your own pee. You can clean it up when you get home.” 

Then followed that text up with “Do you want meat balls or meat loaf for dinner?” 

This not being the first time I’ve walked in to a puddle of pee in the toilet. Typically I’ll wipe it down and then bitch about it later, but this time it was just WTF. And seriously guys I know this happens but clean it up FFS. 

Now, fast forward about a week. 

Child and I are walking down the stairs to the basement so she can watch her most favorite show in the whole wide world….for a week, Team UmiZoomi. The Fluffy cat is in the bathroom milling about, child sees the cat and begins to scold the cat. Listening to my child scold any of the animals is very comical because none of them give a rat’s patootie about what she is yelling at them about. But, the cat in the bathroom was Fluffy Cat and she is a very sensitive cat, I tell the kiddo that Fluffy Cat is fine and that she is most likely getting a drink. She tends to drink out of the toilets, the cat that is. 

As expected the cat then jumps up on the toilet. Child, who is still on the stairs, looking into the bathroom, sees the cat on the toilet and says “Kitty go potty, kitty go potty in the toilet. 

“Uh…yeah, no. The cat is not going to go potty in the toilet. The cat does not go potty in the toilet.”

“Kitty go potty.” 

Then the cat, turned herself on the toilet, in my head I think “WTF, she looks like she’s in pissing formation.” 

And then she pee’d. 

The tinkling of cat piss was heard falling into the toilet. 


Don’t know where Fluffy Cat learned that one. And in one moment so many things in my life became so much more clear. (Why I had been finding un-flushed toilets with no toilet paper in them, and mysterious pee puddles on the toilets.)

But before I could have a moment to think about what I just witnessed, child started clapping for the cat, saying “Good job Kitty, Good job! Kitty went potty, good job Kitty.” 

Naturally I had to put aside my amazement at watching my cat take a leak in the toilet and join in the congratulatory festivities of a cat going potty. I also clapped for Fluffy Cat and told her she did a good job, but being that this is the neurotic Fluffy cat. She freaked out and ran away like we were going to string her up and feed her to bears, hiding in her closet hiding space until Husband came home. 






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