Riesen candy fits into the same category of Werther’s original, candy only old people seem to eat…and also have in abundance. Maybe it’s not just old people that eat Werther’s but the commercials I grew up with as the old guy have a full supply of them on hand to give to the grandkid had something to do with shaping this idea (and therefore truth in my world). To fit with my world view of Riesen candy when I had to run and pick up some items for my grandma from her old lady friend she pawned off an entire bag of Riesen candy on my grandma. Both of them were saying that “No one wants the candy because it’s dark chocolate…no one likes dark chocolate.” 

I’m still pretty sure it has nothing to do with the chocolate and everything to do with the fact it’s a Riesen. I mean really, those things are better at removing loose teeth than duct tape, and I hope you don’t have any fillings because you won’t after eating one of them. 

I however like them. I grab a handful whenever I’m stopping by. I also happen to like a lot of “old people stuff” especially in the way of candy, so much so that it’s earned me some fairly hardcore mocking over the years. I will go crazy over those old-fashioned hard candy that comes out around Christmas. The little sweets that look like mini pillows or have little designs in the middle. Love them! They are actually hard to find unless you are going to a candy store that specializes in old-timey sweets. I am also a HUGE fan of anything maple. If anyone ever wants to make my day – or possibly week – just pick me up some maple syrup or maple candy. I had an old co-worker who one day when out and about saw some maple candy and picked it up just to be a nice person. I’m sure she remembered that I like everything maple after my co-workers spent an entire afternoon making fun of me about this fact after I found the ice-cream store that we went to for had maple flavored soft serve and you know I was in heaven after finding out that (and of coarse getting) that gem. That little pack of maple candy made my month, because it took me a month to eat it. Seriously that shit is pure sugar, and delicious. 

As I’m swiping my allotment of Riesen Grandma says once again that no one wants them because they are dark chocolate (which is still think is bull honky). Then Grandma states “I hear that chocolate is good for you, the dark chocolate especially.” I agree and she asks in a very puzzling manner “But why…why is it good for you.” 

I go into an explanation about antioxidants and other big fancy words that have to do with chemicals and I see her just start to glaze over very quickly. So I say “Like vegetables, chocolate’s like vegetables.” Grandma perks up and says “Okay! I see!” 

So next time you want something sweet and consider it a vegetable just have some dark chocolate. It’s good for you, like carrots and what not. 


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